Why don't you love me?
by ForeverFlowering1219
Summary: Olivia is struggling with her inner self to get over someone who will never love her back, what will happen when one Casey Novak decides to take it upon herself to help Olivia forget this woman?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the L and O characters I have simply used them to make my own fantasies come to life.**

**Author's note: I had to create a fictional character to make this story work in my head but this is the story of how Olivia Benson and Casey Novak came to be. I can relate to this more on a personal level than my other stories so in a way I can be easily placed into the main character's shoes; Therefore, this will more than likely begi drama, get worse, hit rock bottom, and then hit a whole game changer. It has hopefully become clear who my favorite SVU detective is and I figured I'd complete the trifecta by pairing her with the one and only Casey Novak. We'll see how that goes. :) Enjoy your read and as usual reviews are welcome.**

"Do you realize that what you're doing is causing both of us pain that could be avoided?" I ask grabbing her arm to keep her facing me.

"What are you talking about?" She tries pulling her arm from my grip but I hold steady.

"I've been in love with you since the moment I realized that you felt the same but all you've been doing is torturing us both." I say softly loosening my grip on her. "Do you ever think about what it would be like if you just gave into temptation? What it would feel like if you would just let me in? I know I'm not those guys you normally go for and I may not even be what you want but all I need is one chance to prove to you that I would never make you feel the way that they do. I will never try to break you." She looks conflicted as her face begins to redden and her eyes water. "I can't keep watching you hurt because of those jokes that you date. I wont."

"It's not that easy for me. You've been out but even for you getting to this point has been hard. I'm not sure I'm ready for that." I drop her arm and place my arms by my side. She looks hurt as a fresh tear slides down her cheek. I hesitate to wipe it away but when she doesn't turn away I know it's alright.

"You deserve so much more than what you get. I wish you would let me give that to you." I almost whisper to myself as I let my hand fall away from her once again. "But I wont force you sweets." I respond pulling on my jacket and making my way to the door.

"Please don't go." I hear her say quietly as I reach for the door knob.

"What do you want from me?" I question not even turning around.

"I want you to stay." She whispers as I feel her getting closer.

"I can't do this anymore than you can. I'm tired of fighting for someone that'll never love me back."

"Why can't we just be freinds? Why does it have to be more than that?"

"Do you not think I ask myself that everyday? I don't want to love you. I wish I didn't but I can't just be your friend anymore and I can see you don't want me as more than a friend." I respond opening the door and leaving before she has the chance to respond. I hear her calling as I walk down the stairs of her appartment and I don't pick up my cell phone when I feel it vibrating as I get into my car. I fight my tears as I drive through the streets of the city but it isn't long before I have to pull over and give in to my tears. I rest my head on the steering wheel as my tears begin to flow freely and I don't contain my sobs as they start to come. _Stop fussing over her. _My mind tells me. _She doesn't want you and you deserve someone that does. _I continue to cry and when I finally can't anymore that's when I truely understand my own foolishness. _You're not foolish. You love who you love. _My heart cries. I check my phone to six missed calls and two texts all from her in the five minutes I've been gone. I open the texts and regret it the moment I do.

_**"Please don't be mad at me. I need you. I'm just so confused. ~ Kyla"**_

_**"I know this hurts you and you have been nothing but patient with me. I do have feelings for you. You are beautiful and amazing and everytime I dream of kissing you I wish it were the real thing but I've been seeing someone for six months. I'm sorry that I'm just telling you this because you truly are my best freind but I can't do this without you. ~ Kyla"**_

_**"How do you hit on someone when you have a boyfreind that they don't know about? It's things like that that make me think you really don't need me. I don't know what it is you me expect of me. You keep sending me mixed messages, making me feel like you feel the same, and you expect me to just push that aside? Is this guy a jerk too? I am trying my hardest with you but all I get is more confused and the best you can do is tell me you have feelings for me but you have a secret boyfriend. I bet you weren't planning on telling me about him, were you? I would have eventually found out though, one of our friends would have said something and I would be sitting there looking like a jealous idiot because I had no idea. I was right I dont think I can do this anymore." **_I respond still sitting on the side of the road.

_**"Why are you so upset you knew that you wouldn't get a chance? ~ Kyla" **_I get a short while later. I scoff at the message.

_**"What the fuck do you mean?! You litterally just told me that you dream of kissing me and you wish you had the real thing but now you're saying I don't have a chance! Don't say shit like that if you aren't feeling it! It pisses me off more when people play with my heart like it isn't worth a damn to them. I understand this is hard for you, believe me I do, but my heart is too fragile for this. You need to make up your mind." **_A nock on my drivers side window startles me back into reality and I blindly throw my phone into my bag after sending the message. I turn to meet eyes with the emerald green ones of one Casey Novak. I roll down the window for her.

"Liv, everything alright?" She asks looking worried. I nod.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I answer half heartedly.

"I was just on my way home when I spotted you sitting here and I figure I'd come check on you. You sure you're alright?" She asks again caringly.

"You know, I'm actually not." I answer sadly. I watch her as she walks around the front of my car and makes herself comfortable in my passenger's seat.

"You want to tell me about it?" She responds turning to face me in her seat. I shake my head. "How about a drink? My treat." She smiles softy.

"I could surely use one." I comment easily, starting my car. "Where to?" I ask turning into traffic.

"Surprise me." She answers as I see her give me a worried look out the corner of my eye.


	2. Chapter 2

"So you ready to talk about it?" She asks as I stare down the neck of my second beer.

"I'm selfishly in love with my best friend." I answer bluntly, not bothering to look up.

"Why is that selfish?" She asks softly.

"I would rather see her alone then with a guy because I would rather her be with me." I mummble.

"Have you talked to her?" She questions.

"I have." I answer lifting my beer to my lips and taking a long sip.

"And?" I make eye contact for the first time tonight.

"She feels the same way but she's seeeing someone. I have never had someone make me feel so special like she has. She makes me feel like I'm desirable and attractive, then she dates these jackasses that make her feel like shit about herself but I never get the chance that she keeps leading me to think I will." I respond, not sure it made any sense.

"There's more." She pushes.

"Of course there's more. There's always more. I never thought I'd be one of those people that is being torn to pieces by someone that can never be theirs all because that person wants to have it all. She wants me then she doesn't, she dreams of me then she dates jerks, flatters me then rips my heart out. I'm not sure what it is she wants." I continue pushing around the fallen peanut shells on the table.

"Maybe that means you have to be the one to put her foot down. Help her figure it out." She comments smoothly.

"I can't help her. She doesn't want to be helped, that's clear enough. Tonight I confronted her but that was before I found out about the guy she's been with for six months." I shake my head before finishing my beer. "I don't want this to end our friendship but I can't keep putting myself through this."

"And you shouldn't have to Olivia. It's hard to lose a good friend but you have to do what's best for you." I nod. My phone vibrates for the fourth time since we came in and this time it's a phone call. "You should answer that." She says watching me fight myself internally. "Let her explain." I don't want to but I slide the slider on my iphone and place the phone to my ear.

_"Are you ok? I was so worried something happened." _ She blurts.

"I'm fine." I answer coldly.

_"Please don't be mad. Come back, we need to talk."_ She pleads.

"I'm all talked out."

_"Please?" _She begs. _"I know you're hurt-"_

"Actually you don't know the half." I cut her off. "I don't think you understand even remotely what you've put me throught, but you know what? I don't blame you, I blame myself for not stopping this before it got too far, I blame myself for hoping on something that in the back of my mind I knew wouldn't work, and I especially blame myself for not having better control over my own feelings." I respond starting to tear up but managing to keep my voice low. "Kyla I can't keep playing these games of flirting or whatever it is that we do. I think you and I need to take a break so that we both have the time to sort out our own feelings." I hear her soft gasp at the other end.

_"Olivia, what are you trying to say?" _She questions quietly.

"I'm trying to say goodbye. I no longer want to cause you confusion or make you have to choose because I love you enough not to put you through that. I'm making it easier for you."

_"You don't have to do this." She presses._

"I do." I answer easily.

_"Fine." _

"Fine. I'll be by to pick up my stuff tomorrow." With that the call is ended and I'm again sitting here debating on my decisions.

"How did she take it?" I shake my head. "It had to happen. It's better for the both of you." Casey says resting her hand on top of mine.

"You know I'm not sure." She squeezes my hand.

"I am." She smiles. "And as a matter of fact I'll prove it to you."

"How would you do that counselor?" I respond watching her put money on the table for our drinks and leading her outside.

"You and I are going dancing." She smiles as we walk to my car.

"What makes you think I'M going dancing?" I ask getting into the drivers seat as she gets into the passenger side.

"Because I'm going to get your mind off of this sadness and you are going to go have some fun."

"Casey, I don't know about that." I answer starting the car and putting it in drive.

"You don't have to, I'll know enough for the both of us." She frowns. "Come on. It wont hurt, my treat." She adds. I groan as we turn into traffic.

"You know adding 'My treat' to everything wont always get me to go." I respond.

"Sure it will. Who would pass up free fun?" She smiles. "I hate to see you upset Olivia." She adds seriously. "Right now as your friend I want nothing more than to make you happy so that you aren't dwelling on this woman who clearly doesn't know what she has missed out on." I smile.

"That worked. Where to?" I ask turning onto a very bussy street with a lit up building and a line wrapped around it.

"How about there?" She points to the raging building.

"Casey, there's a line wrapped around that place." I respond parking.

"And?" She smiles taking off her blazer and unbuttoning a few buttons on her shirt. She pulls her hair from its perfect bun and lets her red locks fall around her shoulders to frame her face. "I've got us covered." She responds as I take the time to let her change in demeanor sink in.

"Sure." I answer as we get out of the car and she grabs my hand as we make our way across the street to the crowd of people. I'm surprised when she doesn't stop at the end but instead goes right to the front where a very scary looking man is standing in front of the door. He and Casey share a stare that could possibly be one of recognition before he promptly moves aside. She pulls me into the sea of bodies and the loud pulsing music and flashing lights take over my senses as I feel her pull me towards what I suspect is the bar.

"What can I get you ladies?" The bartender yells over the music.

"I'll have something fruity and my lady friend here will have a scotch." Casey orders for us both. I slide onto a stool as she does the same.

"You know my drink order." I respond as our drinks are set in front of us.

"Sure I do Detective, drink up." She winks as she takes a big gulp of her 'something fruity'. I start to feel the music as the amber liquid slides down my throat and burns my chest. "Let's dance." She yells over the music as she sits down her empty glass and grabs my hand once again, leading me to the dance floor. She doesn't let the eyes of the many younger club goers around us phase her as she lets the music take control of her body and she takes me right along with her. I eventually give in to her as we move our bodies together and it isn't long before I actually begin to enjoy myself. We dance along like two 20 year olds for I don't know how long and neither of us notice when the music begins to slow down and we are thrust into a wave of slow moving bodies as the couples around us move to the slow mix. She smiles as we make our way back to the bar.

"I must say, I'm actually enjoying myself." I say close to her ear as she orders us another drink.

"I told you." She says placing her hand gently on my knee as I take a sip of my drink.

"So the bouncer... You know him?" I ask casually, happy the slower music is quieter so that we can hear each other. She chuckles.

"You could say that." She answers resting her head in her hand. "I dated his sister." I raise my eye brows in shock.

"Oh?" I respond dumbly.

"You can't be that surprised Olivia, I'm sure that has come up atleast once." She laughs.

"That you're gay?" I shake my head. "Nope."

"Well now it has." She comments looking out over the swaying bodies.

"You know if you want to dance..." I shrug as she turns back to face me.

"That's alright."

"Are you sure? It's no trouble." I add finishing my drink.

"Ok." She answers hesitantly. This time I take her hand and I lead her silently to the middle of the dance floor. "Do you want to lead?" She asks as I take her into my arms. I nod wordlessly. We move easily to the music and our bodies fit perfectly together. Time seems like a distant memory as we both become too intranced with the other to even keep track of it. "Not bad." She whispers as I pull her a little closer.

"I said I didn't dance not that I couldn't." She laughs.

"So detective, how are things with the squad?" She asks casually playing with the tips of my hair. I nod.

"Everything is alright. Our last case had us a little messed up for awhile but things are much better."

"I'm glad to know. That last case was a doosie, sorry I couldn't help more."

"No, you did what you could. None of us could take the blame for how that turned out. We just need to move on." She rests her head on my shoulder.

"This is nice." She mumbles after a few minute of silence . I look at my watch to see that it is already past 2 am. _Has it been 3 hours already?_

"You know counselor I'm off tomorrow if you're free to hang out." I respond.

"Really?" She asks sounding surprised. "That would be nice." The music stops and the Dj gives us the signal that things are about to speed up again. "Come on." She smiles pulling me towards the exit and into the night air where there is still a lingering line of party goers. We walk past them and back to my car where she rests against the passenger side. I stand next to her.

"Thanks." I mumble as we stare at the night sky together, the music from the club still prominant in the background.

"Just doing what a friend does." She responds.

"I really appreciate that. I know you didn't exactly get the warm welcome that you deserve and it touches my heart that you are able to get past that and still help me out." She laughs.

"I get over things very easily. It's pointless to carry a grudge so I don't. What happened with Cabot was an unexpected traumatic event and I don't take it personally that you were upset."

"I have to get some things from Kyla tomorrow so what about lunch after?" She smiles yet again and I can't help but to smile back.

"My place? 2 sound ok?" I nod.

"Sounds like a date counselor." I laugh as we get into my car. The rest of the ride is filled with pointless yet comfortable chatter and I drop her off with the promise to return the next day. I wait for her to make it safely into her appartment building before I drive away.


	3. Chapter 3

I pull up at Kyla's appartment just after 9 and I make my way slowly up the stairs of her building dreading what is ahead. I knock on her door quietly and stuff my hands in my pockets to keep them from shaking. She opens the door and gestures me in silenly. I see a box of my things sitting on her kitchen counter.

"Do you want some coffee?" She asks awkwardly standing in front of me as I watch the floor. I shake my head. She frowns. "I think that's everything, if there's anything missing just let me know." I nod.

"Ok." I respond walking over to grab the box.

"Olivia." She pleads grabbing my arm as I turn to leave, the box in my arms. I turn to meet her sad tired eyes. She moves slowly and with hesitance but nothing could have prepared me for the bolt of electircity I feel as she connects our lips. Every cell in my body tells me to pull back, my inner voice is shouting at me to just leave, but I can't. I stand there frozen as we share a passionate kiss. She holds my face in her hands as I try with all my will not to drop the box. I feel her pulling me closer and she lets out a surprised squeal when I bite down slightly on her bottom lip and finally I give in. I push her against the counter, pushing the box over then lifting her easily to sit beside it. I don't take time for the teasing pleasentries as I pull her shirt over her head and fill my hands with her perfect mounds. She moans into me as I cup her through her bra and lets out a exasperated sigh when I move them to her shorts. I slide my hand under her waistband and I'm surprised to find no underwear. Neither of us make a sound as I play her body like a violin, drawing out all of the beautiful and heartfelt sounds with my expert fingers. She moves with the slow and taunting rhythm as I draw out every last breath in her body as she jumps over the peak of ecstasy. I pull my hand from her shorts as she sits there wordless, her chest heaving and a sheen of sweat on her forehead. I hold back my tears as I, again, pick up the box and make my way to the door. She says nothing as I walk out for the last time.

"Hey." Casey greets me as she moves aside to let me into her appertment.

"Hi." I respond looking around as she closes the door behind me. Her appartment is much more homey than I expected it to be. There are pictures everywhere of what I assume is her family and her brown over-stuffed couch looks super inviting as I make my way over to sit.

"How did it go this morning?" She asks sitting next to me. The smell of lunch cooking makes my stomach growl.

"Not what I expected." I answer as she pours both of us a glass of wine from the bottle on the coffee table.

"What did you expect it to be like?" She questions handing me one of the glasses.

"She hands me the box and I leave." I sip.

"What did you get?"

"I fucked her on her kitchen counter and left." I answer bluntly.

"You got your stuff though I hope?" She responds jokingly. I can't help but to laugh.

"Why of course." I answer with a sad smile.

"How did that make you feel?" She asks caringly.

"LIke a cheap used whore." I respond resting my elbow on the back of the couch as I turn to face her.

"You are neither of those things." She rests her hand on my arm. "You simply did what you've always wanted to and it's not all on you she is at fault too."

"I didn't have to give in. I could have easily walked away and I didn't. I stayed and made a huge mistake."

"You don't really think it was a mistake." She states not bothering to phrase it as a question. I shake my head.

"Nothing involving her in my life is a mistake. Really the only mistake that has taken place is in my part for being so stupid and letting my heart take control of everything." She rubs my arm.

"The heart wants what the heart wants." She whispers. "Come on, lunch is ready." She smiles pulling me up and into the kitchen where she has set the small table in her breakfast nook. She gestures for me to sit.

"It smells amazing." I compliment her as she opens the oven and grabs an oven mit.

"I hope you don't mind lasagna." She smiles putting it on the counter and tossing the salad. I shake my head.

"Of course not. Do you need some help?" I offer as she brings over the salad and dressings before going back over to the counter.

"No. It's not that much." She adds bringing over the lasgna and sitting acroos from me. "Help yourself." She smiles. We serve ourselves and I prepare myself for the awkward silence but I'm surprised when it never comes and she instead begins a new conversation. "So what were your plans for the rest of the day?" She asks casually nibbling on a piece of lettace.

"I actually hadn't thought about that." I answer honestly taking a bite of the lasagna.

"Well how about you come with me to pick out a dress for this thing I have next month?" She asks quietly.

"Really?" I question shocked. She shrugs.

"Sure. I have to go later anyway I might as well have some company." She smiles.

"Ok." I respond. Still surprised.

"And if it isn't pushing it maybe we can have dinner too." She adds hesitantly.

"Only if you let me pay counselor." I answer sipping my wine. She laughs.

"I have no objections to that." We finish our lunch in moderate silence and when we are finished I happily help her to do the dishes.

It takes us four long hours to find a dress she is satisfied with and by the time we go for dinner we have settled into an easy bantering. We joke and laugh with each other and my heart crushing morning is soon long from my mind as she fills it with happy thoughts.

"I had a really nice time today Casey thanks." I say quietly as she walks me to my car next to her building.

"Thanks for dinner." She laughs. "We really should do this more often, I never would have guessed we'd have such a great time together." She comments as we stop next to my car and I pull out my keys.

"I wouldn't have either." I smirk unlocking my car. "Maybe drinks on Tuesdays?"

"Sounds like a plan." She smiles. patting me on the shoulder as I open my car door.

"I'll see you bright and early Monday morning counselor." I say getting into my car. She waves as I drive away. _Could this be the start of something new? _I think to myself as I make my way to the other side of town. _Don't make this into something it's not._ My voice of reason takes over. I shake my head to myself as I continue my drive, a mind full of desperate thoughts.


End file.
